Maturity is for Losers

Have you ever been in a situation where it is highly inappropriate to laugh? The case of the giggles seems to only hit me when you can’t laugh, but I always do. Especially when I was hanging out with my friend Jared. He seemed to always find the twisted side of things with me. We would skip down the twisted humor trail holding hands making jokes about anything and everything, the more gross the better.

We were in high school advanced biology class, basically after we were done making fun of the kids who didn’t believe in evolution by boiling down their beliefs to the “invisible man in the sky” theory, we became board. Until one day, a poor student teacher came into our lives with the best tape in the world, When Animals Attack!

Since apparently our school had nothing better to show us, science wise, they made the decision to show us this load of gold. Jared and I knew that this was going to be great day! We got to the edge of our desks and let the animals attack.

Now, I had no idea that moose were extremely mean! But when they get mean it is the funniest thing I have ever seen. Here’s the situation, pretend that there is dramatic music with this description. There is this guy, drunk, walking outside of a bar in Alaska where a moose has taken over the town. I know it’s great already, but there is more. The guy stumbles outta’ the bar, where the moose is waiting for him! Like he’s gonna’ get in a knife fight with a moose. The guy starts to stumble like an asshole home, when the moose follows. By this time, Jared and I are giddy. The moose follows the guy for a couple blocks. The guy would stop look at the moose, and the moose would stop and look behind itself like he was trying to play off the fact that he is stalking this guy. After a while, we’re talking a full 8 times of this, the moose ATTACKS! The moose leaps into the air, pushes the drunken guy face first into the snow and commences to tap dance on his body. Jared and I are in stitches now, and then the clincher comes. The narrator says, all serious, that the guy died because of the moose mauling. Jared and I laugh so hard that tears are coming from our eyes, of course we are the only ones laughing, then the tape is shut off.

I will never forget this, the student teacher then said, “ you two lack maturity”, Yes, yes we do.